Seeking help can be scary but so can offering help.
I strongly believe in the power of speaking, whether it is speaking about our own experiences or speaking to someone about theirs, it is important to have these conversations to show that we don't have to do it alone.
I know through my own story having someone ask me if I was OK was a pivotal point in my life. Now, don't get me wrong plenty of people asked me but it was the follow through that broke my silence.
You know what I mean... saying "yeah I'm fine" seems easy right? but does it make you feel any better? probably not.
I'll tell you what else is easy... asking are you ok? and accepting "yeah I'm fine".
Unfortunately for some this method just doesn't cut it and it can be a wasted opportunity, we as humans can sometimes doubt our self worth and our ability to help which may lead to close ended questions and no follow through because we simply don't know what to say next and don't think we have the power to help.
Let me tell you, every single one of us has the power to help we just need to learn how to use our power.
I want to give you some tips in helping, and I want to remind you that you are not responsible for fixing.. you are merely responsible for holding a positive conversation that could potentially lead to helping someone.
So here is what we can do!
First things first, ask;
"Are you ok?"
It doesn't have to be in this exact context, if someone you know has been acting different or just doesn't seem like themselves you can ask things like;
"You don't seem like yourself, is there something bothering you?" "You have been a bit quiet recently, is there something you want to talk about? "I am here for you, would you like to chat about anything"
While it is important not to push people into speaking, sometimes it can take some persistence. If at first they aren't keen to speak openly you can say things like;
"I am always here for you if you would like to chat"
"Please message me if you want to talk"
It is important to know when to ask. If you are asking someone if they are ok in a loud crowded room, they might not be likely to be open to chatting.
Finding a quiet and private place to ask is important as it provides a safe place to speak.
I enjoy sitting and chatting over a cuppa tea or coffee.
Now when you ask are you ok? It is important to be ready to listen.
Actively listening is incredibly important, if someone feels like they aren't being listened to they probably aren't going to be open in speaking.
It is important to pay attention while listening, maintain eye contact and put aside any thoughts that may be distracting, try not to mentally prepare your answer whilst they are still speaking - just listen.
When speaking your experiences it can be quite scary so it can be nice to see that the listening is listening by seeing body language and gestures. We as listeners can do things like nodding occasionally. smile or use other facial expressions, have an open and interested posture and use verbal language by speaking small encouraging words like yes, uh huh, mmm.
When they have finished speaking you can reflect and sympathize with them by saying things like;
"What I am hearing is;"
"It sounds like what you are saying is"
"I am so sorry you are feeling like this"
"That must be really hard"
From here, we can provide them with some advice on what they could do next.
There are many people out there that can keep the conversation going, some include your GP, Physiologist or dependent on the situation a teacher or manager. Suggesting they keep talking and receiving help is important, there are also many online platforms that can help;
Helplines and online support services
Access Mental Health Team ph. 1800 629 354
Lifeline 24/7 Crisis Line ph. 13 11 14
Kids Help 24/7 Support Line ph. 1800 55 1800
Mensline 24/7 Support Line ph. 1300 78 99 78
Suicide Call Back Service 24/7 Support ph. 1300 659 467
QLife Counselling and referral service for LGBTI people 3pm-12am ph. 1800 184 527
Alcohol and Drug Support Line ACT Health 24/7 Helpline ph. (02) 5124 9977
Domestic Violence Crisis Service 24/7 Crisis Line ph. (02) 6280 0900
Beyond Blue 24/7 Support Service ph. 1300 22 4636
SANE Australia
This is an amazing position to be in, you have done all the right things.
You have checked on a friend and had a great positive chat with them - and although the context of the chat might not have felt positive just allowing and listening to them speak in a huge step in the right direction.
It is now time to check in on them, see how they are going, have things improved or changed since you last spoke?
Like I said, seeking help can be scary but so can offering help.
It is important to encourage the need for these discussions and minimise the feelings of social isolation and feeling alone along with the negative consequences such as suicide.
I want to promote the awareness of mental health and suicide and I strongly encourage everyone to reach out to those at risk within their community.
I support R U OK day and I support it everyday.
R U OK?